Guest Author L.B. Gregg (aka Lisabea)
I’ve known Lisabea for a long time — I was a huge fan of her reader blog, Nose In A Book…before she betrayed me. All of a sudden she’s not just Lisabea! She reveals a secret identity, and she’s suddenly L.B. Gregg, author. And so what if her website is quirky and fun and I really liked the first book in her Men of Smithfield series, Gobsmacked? I’m all: Dude, you’ve changed!
…or, maybe not so much. Because one thing I always loved about her site was her lists. And here she is, with another Lisabea Top Ten list.
Top Ten Things You Need to Start
Your Successful Writing Career!
Number Ten
A Computer that actually works.
Scratch that. Damn thing.
~*~*~
I mean, Number Ten
Really Cool Pens!
I didn’t say that I’d behave on Meljean’s blog — I just said it’s an honor to be here and thanks for having me!
~*~*~
Number Nine
A Theme Song
Ally McBeal had the right idea–no, not about how wonderful it is to display knife edged clavicles and pillowy collagen lips–but that it’s necessary to have a theme song. You know. Something to get you jump started, particularly on the days you have no inspiration. I recommend an upbeat, uplifting, UPTEMPO theme song. My daughters and I crank the volume to Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas. Iz gud.
~*~*~
Number Eight
Thesaurus
Because it’s not enough to be funny–one must also be absurd, amusing, capricious, clever, diverting, droll, entertaining, facetious, farcical, gay, gelastic, good-humored, hilarious, hysterical, jocose, jocular, joking, jolly, killing*, laughable , ludicrous, merry, mirthful, playful, priceless, rich, ridiculous, riotous, screaming, side-splitting, silly, slapstick, sportive, waggish, whimsical, AND witty.
~*~*~
Number Seven
Professional Glamour Shot for book jacket.
I haven’t had my ‘author’ photo taken yet, but if I were to do it–why not acid washed denim and satin gloves? I know I can clutch my collar with that winning combination of bold, self-assured, coquettishness–merow! Although I’m not sure there’s enough hair spray on the planet to coax my flatty hair into a Staten Island Claw.
~*~*~
Number Six
Desk Top Orgy
Because some props are tax deductible.
~*~*~
Number Five
Abs of Steel
This would not be a Lisabea list without some naked man flesh to distract readers from the lack of real content**
**Did it work?
~*~*~
Number Four
Coattails to Ride
I am so ashamed.
~*~*~
Number Three
Etiquette Manual for Public Appearances
You just know Samantha Kane and I would do that…at RWA.
~*~*~
Number Two
Fan Club
There isn’t a LB Gregg fanclub. But I did join the Kiss Army (in 1977).
~*~*~
Number One
A Hero of Worth
Crazy as it sounds, people outside our genre believe romantic heroes lack depth and breadth (of course, one thing our heroes will never lack is length. Surely). It’s important for the up and coming writer to remember that success in story telling relies on a deeper (or in my case, accidental) awareness of the Monomyth. I won’t bore you with the seventeen stages, but—one could argue that many of the most memorable romantic heroes take this journey.
Of course, it’s equally important for heroes to be easy on the eye, and have a fundamental understanding of love anatomy. No one wants to remind their hero– A little higher there, Ace.
~*~*~
Meljean again … and I’m thinking I really need to get me some of these. Also, a pimp hat.
So, what Lisabea L.B. Gregg didn’t mention in her list is A Book. Every writer has to have a book, and she has several already out, and one more, COVER ME (excerpt here), coming from Aspen Press on October 2nd. It’s an e-book, so I don’t have an advance copy to give away … but, I would love to give someone a copy of Gobsmacked from Fictionwise (Thank You, FW, for your “send this book as a gift” option!)
Here’s all you have to do to be entered to win a copy of Gobsmacked: Add your own entry to LB’s list. Even if you aren’t a writer, what is one thing that you think every romance writer should have? I’ll randomly choose a comment at Midnight on September 29th (that’s Tuesday night).
And super-thanks to LB, for filling in on my blog with much, much funnier content that I could have come up with on a Monday. I think she has a writer super-power that I don’t.
…wait a second, LB. A super-power? Does that mean another secret identity? Something like:
I thought I knew you! *sob*
OmG, this is too funny. Thanks, I needed that on a Monday morning. Almost as good as a huge pen…is. Oh, and look at you, all Mr. Monomyth! Sigh. Can’t wait for Cover Me!!!
I think every romance write should have her own muse? Or an awesome hard drive cause once you type your idea and lose it, its gone into the black hole of cyberspace forever.
cindyc725 at gmail dot com
I have a girl crush on LB. I want to have her babies.
And she didn’t run away from me this summer in DC during nationals.
Hey, you know we would! But for the record, I am a Sith Lord all the time, 24/7/365, baby. If I want to play with oranges and…is that a carrot or rhubarb?…then by the dark side all my Storm Troopers had better play along. I give cookies afterward.
(Your coattails were fun!! It was like the rollercoaster at Busch Gardens)
Staten Island Claw, LOL! I went to Glamour Shots about 15 years ago with my kooky aunt. I remember posing in a sleeveless jean jacket, groan. My aunt went for totally classy–a red feather boa. Good times.
Congrats on the new release. Am trying to think of a good answer. Um, a website.
I wonder if I still have my Glamour Shots. Somewhere. Hmm…
“What is one thing that you think every romance writer should have?”
Copious amounts of tequila.
Every author needs 1) a lap dog and 2) a feather boa – pink or purple preferred.
Every romance author needs chocolate.
Good Lord, I have almost as many online identities as CJ.
Word on the Tequila and Jill, I expect to see that photo. (please oh please oh please)
Every writer needs to have a good sense of humour and a wee bit of insanity. I mean, come on! We’re writing stories about people who live in our minds and we mumble to ourselves constantly. Let’s not even get into the demands for chocolate refills – or in lisabea’s case, golden oreos.
Love the theme song! I have a few myself.
p.s. if I can rustle up my glamour shots from like 12 years ago, I’ll totally post it on my blog for giggles
Okay, you guys. They will not stay up long for fear that these might somehow be mistaken for my author photo, and the picture is really crappy because I don’t have a scanner, so I had to take a digital picture of it (yes, I know — I’m a dork.)
But, behold! 20 year old Meljean on Glamour Shots!
ETA: Here’s the other one. Sigh.
BUWAHAH!! I have a few glamor shots. should I break them out?
Hey Sweetbea! I want to borrow the ninja costume for Halloween!
Things a writer needs? A religious relic to keep close at all times. I rec PATIENCE OF A SAINT. *g*
That’s awesome!
@katiebabs: I double dog dare you.
@josh lanyon: Oh, I second that one wholeheartedly. Maybe ten saints.
COLLAR CLUTCH!
::fans self:: That’s hot, MJB.
@Lisabea/LB/LBea: I’d totally forgotten that I’d done that, but as soon as I saw the pictures I gasped, “The Collar!!” and laughed myself silly.
I have another where I’m exposing my shoulder.
I was such a bold little slut!
I miss that jacket a lot, though.
I think you’re still quite sassy.
LOL @ collar clutch.
Wow – the top of your head is really…bright.
ps – katiebabs introduced me to Face in Hole and I am now obsessed.
No way am I posting my Glamour Shots here. Thank goodness everyone who walks into my parents house can see them hanging on the wall in a place of honor. **shudders**
One thing every writer needs: Good friends who aren’t afraid to tell you that chapter really sucked and your hero is an a**hole.
You’ve asked for it. Me at 12 and my grammar school graduation picture:
Hmm didn’t work: Here is the link:
http://i980.photobucket.com/albums/ae287/katiebabs/012.jpg
@katiebabs: Oh, lord — the days of perms. I suffered through many of those.
@katiebabs: No worries, I fixed it — my comments use html code, so I just had to edit the BB code.
OMG those huge gold earrings my mother made me wear!
Sam–yes. How wonderful to have such friends. Actually, it is.
KB–I had a perm. My grandmother (Granny) had her hairdresser give me a perm when I was visiting the beauty mecca of the south:Greenwood Mississippi. Burn! Literally. Burned hair.
PS: Faceinhole is the work of satan.
@Samantha Kane: I agree. Like the friend who will tell you if you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe or lipstick on your teeth — someone who will tell you that part of your book is Not Good helps more than a million supportive friends who will say anything just to spare your feelings.
@katiebabs: haha! I didn’t even notice the earrings. I love the smile you have, though — like, “Oh, God, kill me now.”
I have to totally agree with Josh’s addition to the list. That is absolutely necessary.
All the glamour shots are making my sides hurt from laughter. I’ll be eternally grateful I avoided them like the plague.
As for my addition to the list: All authors should have another world they can escape to – be it one of their own creation or someone else’s.
I had to blog about this:
http://kbgbabbles.blogspot.com/2009/09/glamour-picture-dare.html
Oh yes, those school pictures where you either have the clouds in the background or the trees with the pretty Autumn leaves
Yep. There are days when support is good, and days when you need someone to tell it like it is because you know that what you’ve got so far ISN’T WORKING. The friend who knows what you need and when you need it? That friend is worth their weight in gold.
Meljean-NICE!
I have a Glamour Shot that actually turned out really, really nice. Nobody believes it’s me though ‘cuz I’m wearing makeup! Shocking! lol
Every writer needs…good notebooks and pens in all locations including the lav, the kitchen and beside the bed.
And Meljean, did you get my email? I sent it after I got yours. I was super tired, so not sure if it got lost in cyberspace or not.
Hi
What a fantastic fun post.
Thanks for sharing.
I loved the list. And the comments are full of AWESOME.
That would be my addition to the list: A sense of humor.
Love & Best Wishes to you all,
RKCharron
xoxo
OMG, I love the leather jacket pose! Pure hilarity. Plus cuteness.
Katie, I feel your pain on those perms. My mom made me do it, too. WTF, Mom?
I just spent a ridiculous amount of time looking for my g shots. Not sure how to post pics? I’ll try:
Well, that didn’t work. Haha, it’s probably for the best!
@Jill Sorenson: If you have a link, I can fix the code if it doesn’t show up.
But then again, yes — sometimes maybe it’s serendipitous that the links don’t work
@Jill Sorenson:
DRAT!
Maybe this?
Jill: Looking good in the red dress
@Jill Sorenson: Oh, you suck. And are massively gorgeous, even in a denim vest. How???? Yet you are.
Or this: (trying to share link, sorry?!)
http://i256.photobucket.com/albums/hh194/SorensonJill/glamshots2.jpg
Oh, jeez. Thanks. That red dress had falsies in it. Anyway! I’m looking forward to reading COVER ME. Liked the excerpt.
Jill~YOW! Very glam. And MJ is right–massively gorgeous.
This was just way too much fun!
That is SUCH a nice pen. hehe. Awesome list Miss LB! I cannot wait for the new book.
To think I got to do payroll instead of visiting here today. It might not be so bad if I had one of those nifty desktop orgy thingys.
@Rosie–what will the firefighters think of that?
@lisabea/lb/lbea I would probably be the most popular stop at Headquarters not to mention that I’ve yet to meet a firefighter who can look with his eyes and not his hands. Heh. Makes you wonder what I’m waiting for doesn’t it? Oh wait, now I remember. I don’t want to be fired for having inappropriate “art” in the work place.
Oh yes, the author glamour shot. Even more fun with sunglasses and a pleather motorcycle jacket.
#5 is very sound advice.
And I just watched Meljean’s How To video. AWESOME.
OMG, the glam shots are -hilarious-! Meljean, you look so dwarfed in that jacket!
LB, where did you get the desk orgy?! That thing is amazing
My addition to the list, the PDK–Personal Device for Know-all. Something cool to hide away all the extra tibits of knowledge for whatever series you’re writing. I definitely think it somehow needs to meld with the desk orgy… Each little man can be a reference you’ve mentioned. This would definitely push Post-Its out of it’s reference/reminder niche!
Another wonderful Top Ten List Lisabea. Uh, I mean, LB Gregg.
Love, love, love the glamour shot Meljean! Those are so cute! I have one of myself in fur (dear GOD!) which is too funny!
Katiebabs – you are so cute!
(please don’t enter me in the contest, but thanks!)
LOL
Not sure I could add to the list.
@Biki
http://www.geekysextoys.com/?p=3
I spend too much time online.