Oh, honey, no!
Every time you want to respond to a negative review, just pretend that there is a BFF behind you, saying, “Oh, honey, no!”
AUTHOR: But she doesn’t understand my book! I’ll tell her like it is!
BFF: Oh, honey, no!
AUTHOR: But it’s a personal vendetta! She’s out to ruin me and starve my kids!
BFF: Oh, honey, no!
AUTHOR: But my editor made me do it! Authors aren’t responsible for their work!
BFF: Oh, honey, no! (For this one, also add a sad shake of the BFF’s head.)
Seriously, Amazon should coin the reverse Nike slogan for authors reading reviews: Just DON’T do it.
*thanks to @McVane, who reminded me that I had this.
**and I have survived many, many of them. 
LOL! I’m just…flabbergasted. Someone needs to either knock this woman unconscious or take her keyboard away.
And yet, my inner mean-girl can’t stop reading. SIGH. I’m a very bad person.
@Kati: I just checked again. HOLY GOD. Someone needs to intervene. Editor, agent? Someone help this woman.
what about the characters that whisper in your ears and make you write bad scenes or purple prosey sex? They are the ones to blame most of all.
*raises fist at imaginary characters who don’t understand their author’s talents*
I have no clue what’s up because I’m in CHRISTMAS LAND (aka hell)–but Amen, sister.
Sigh. Just, sigh.
Maybe that’s it! The Evil Villian (TM) in her next book has her locked in the closet and is currently in control of her keyboard.
My TBR pile is once again reaching epic proportions, I need authors to do crazy sh!t like this to help me keep it under control. That’s 3 authors in the past month that have saved me the trouble of buying & finding a place to shelve their books.
I have this feeling that I’m missing something…; )
And if the “oh, honey, no!” needs to be combined with a good shake, that’s fine. Whatever it takes to grab that keyboard and calm the craziness, do it.
She has supposedly called the FBI about this now? I would have LOVED to have been a fly on that wall!
Agent: “So ma’am let me get this straight. You’re essentially calling us here at the FBI to complain that someone didn’t like your book and is therefore being mean to you.”
Bugnuts Crazy Author: “Yes, exactly.”
Agent: (sighs, rubs forehead and wonders why he didn’t follow his father into the carpet selling business)
Man, I’m missing all the fun, cuz I don’t know who this author is…
I think this is what she is talking about – lord have mercy! http://www.amazon.com/review/R1BA0D6J2GS59/ref=cm_cd_pg_pg1?ie=UTF8&cdPage=1&cdSort=oldest
And this is her publisher/editor(?) saying: “Oh, no, honey (we won’t be publishing your next book).”
http://romanticreads.net/2009/12/17/for-those-who-asked/