Diary of an Author, Day 2
Woke up. Googled self. Found a “new” review on the twentieth search page. Written in 2008. How did I miss before? Copied and sent to publicist, with note that there might be more coming as I search through that blog’s archives.
Remembered that it’s Tweet Day. Pulled up social media guidelines. Must not put readers off by too much promo. Must mention something of shared interest. Must be friendly and open. Looked on Twitter to see frequent topics — pets, food. Spent an hour composing and editing tweet. My fluffy cat looks at me while I eat. LOL! Does yours? Plz RT
Sent copy of Tweet to publicist.
Can’t forget that social media is all about interaction. Re-Tweeted all reviews of my books, before bloggers notice that I didn’t Re-Tweet and give me a lower grade next time out of spite. Wrote down names of all negative reviews. Reminder to self: Make new e-mail. New Goodreads account. Friend them. Bide time.
Re-Tweeted all author contests — if readers get other books for free they will buy mine. Saw that K.C. finally came online again to promote her new book and Tweeted so I Re-Tweeted her Tweet. Make note: I supported her, can remind her of it when I ask for quote.
Re-Tweeted last Tweet of all NYT authors. Should get awesome quote soon.
Checked Amazon rankings. Checked rankings of all other PNR authors. Saw N.S. much, much higher than me. Made new Amazon account. Voted down all five-star reviews for her books. Wrote three-star review. “Was hoping for something more like M.B.’s incredible work, but N.S. only delivered something okay. Who spells ‘hawk’ with an ‘e’? Also, M.B. is a more engaging and friendly Tweeter.”
Sent e-mail to N.S. “Just saw your new review! What an asshole! Some people have no taste.” LOLOL, she’ll never know.
Opened MS Word. Opened Scrivener. Turned on AlphaSmart. Ready to write as soon as I Google myself.
Didn’t Google self. Got notice that two people unfollowed on Twitter. One named Jenna25448241. Couldn’t find who she really is, only gross fake pictures — probably a loser hater. One is an author! So furious. We have to support each other!
Jealous cow.
Made new Twitter account. Sent @reply: You think you are a good writer, but only your mommy says you are! Wah! Do you cry when you get bad reviews, little girl? You need to…
toughen up!
Tweeted links of all of her four-star-and-under reviews at Goodreads. When blocked, made new account. Went to Starbucks when Twitter blocked my IP. I’m too smart for them, LOL.
Damn it — Midnight already! Online drama making it impossible to get any work done. Will catch up on WIP tomorrow.
That sounds so plausible I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Thank you for the smile. Off to make headway on my WIP BEFORE I open Tweetdeck.
I’m loving these. But you forgot to add Binging (yeah, MS wishes that was a verb!) yourself as well as Googling just in case Google’s awesome algorithms missed a mention of your book from 2008.
@Darlene Marshall: … I did not know about Binging. I mean, I know about Bing. I didn’t know anyone used it
You do that too? Phew! I’m not the only one. Makes me feel better. Have you tried IP masking? Then you won’t have to go to Starbucks. Just sayin’
This was brilliant. Thank you.
I ,too, had a “nemesis book” when mine cane out last year. Published, of course, by a publisher who rejected mine. I delighted, DE-LIGHT-ED in comparing our Amazon Rankings, day after day FOR MONTHS, and saw that 90% of the time, mine was better than NEMESIS BOOK.
if only nemesis author had known my name. But I’m sure she was off to write her 15th book of 22 book deal. While I compared amazon rankings.
Still, I never, ever thought to leave a bad review. Next time!
Lian
*GASP*
@Nalini Singh: OMG!!! SHE KNOWS!!
I’m learning so much!
Hilarious! I missed your blogposts when you were so busy last year. Enjoying these!
I’m afraid to ask M.B. to stop this–she might realized I’ve yet to review most of her work while I have, indeed, reviewed most of N. S.’s
*slinking off to hide under rock and feverishly work on review for the awesomeness that is M. B.*
@meljean: Really wishing there were a “like” button.
I heart you, Meljean!!!
I love love love this!!! Want moar!
Thank you! I thought it would be too much to hope for a second journal entry, since I know how busy you are Googling yourself and tweeting about your cool life.
You know what genre fiction is missing? Peer review. Not-really-double-blind stabs in the back FTW!
@Sunita: I’ve learned to blog efficiently. I whipped out this series and scheduled them for every day this week
So I guess there are three more.
Funniest. Sh*t. Ever.
So what happens when author SW enjoys authors NS and MB equally… I mean… is that like even ALLOWED?
Although there was a book by author MB, well, a novella, really, that I just that was really awesome.
Except…well, author NS always sends me early reads. Which makes author NS for more awesome than author MB.
Note to self: DESTROY S.W.
Well, all you have to do is send SW some books, damn it. Geez, it’s not like I’m hard to bribe. Geez.
Note to self: Get off internets, finish damn book, send to S.W. Include note in book about DESTROYING PEOPLE WHO LIKE AUTHORS EQUALLY. Be vague enough to make S.W. wonder if I am referring to her.
Excellent. That will feed into SW’s paranoia. Now get off the internets so I can sleep. Or…well. Not. Because if I’m not sleeping, I’m not writing tomorrow.
HA! Now I know who’s writing all those 4-star and under reviews!!! *is glad she stays off GR*
*now is paranoid that MB will create new account on GR to dis her*
*now is parnoid that she will be thought of as arrogant because she thinks MB might actually bother to dis her*
*is now paranoid that she will be thought of as arrogant because she has no time to hang out on GR*
*decides it’s all too much drama and she will simply not go looking, because–much like her cats–believes if she doesn’t see it, it isn’t there.*
*grins*
Funny-ass blog. Good stuff.
Yasmine
@Shiloh Walker – When M.B. finds out you also like N.S. she will expect you to pick sides. That or author fight club. She supports other authors, but you must only support M.B.
@Meljean – Love, love, love this series.
*psssstttt… Chelsea…do not address SW on this blog. MB won’t like it and she won’t send SW BOOKS! DON’T DO THAT TO ME!
I AM WATCHING YOU ALL.
THROUGH YOUR WINDOWS.
@meljean: Yay! More diary entries to look forward to.
@meljean: *turns on outdoor security lights* *draws curtains on all the windows* &checks to see security alarm is on*
I only read MB books. Repeatedly. Everything else is just trying to be MB. *closes blinds*
*turns on blinding lights and aims them at windows*
Made mistake of reading these diary entries on my nook while rocking ds to sleep. Woke him up with my laughing. You are made of awesome. Totally worth it!
So funny! I’m loving this series.
Also, I would so love to see Author Fight Club.
Everyone who wants to heart/like this series CAN DO SO at the GoodReads mirror for this blog!!! Truth is actually stranger than fiction ^^.
May it appease M.B. ^^ (of course, that only works if you do have a GR account)…
LOL! I laughed my ass off
I just did a spit take. With mashed potatoes. Poor, poor iPad.
And my 6 yo wants to know what’s so funny? I think I’ll show him the video.
Thank you. This explains so much I never knew before
hmm.
Every breath you take.
http://youtu.be/TH_YbBHVF4g
OMGoodness. You’ve caught it just right, I think.
Sad thing is how much of this I’ve heard from people who were being totally serious! I see that you’ve been channeling Robert St*n*k. First time I saw this kind of stuff being done about ten years ago, I thought — who does this? Must be a joke. But no
PS Love, love, love your steampunk
(Love the Demon books too, but I’ve been looking for a steampunk book or two that I could sink my teeth in.)
Patty
@Sara: Ha! I thought of posting that video, too. Very appropriate.
@Limecello: I’m going to have to do something about not having a ‘like’ button. Clearly, it’s the only way for an author to survive!
@Patricia Briggs: *guh* I heart you. Lots and lots. That is all.
Okay, not all. I just read Mike’s post on promo – and I think he’s got it right. The work simply has to come first. Promotion is often necessary (especially for newbies) but whenever it begins affecting the work and our ability to produce the words, it’s time to back off.
Given the choice between a few tweets every week, a blog post every day, or a really freaking awesome book …. I’m guessing that most readers would choose the book every time (and a great book has the added bonus of being its own best promo).