Like, for example, me.

I just ran over to the nearest Postal Annex to send a fax. The clerk kept giving me little glances — like she wanted to stare, but was too polite. And I couldn’t figure out why until I remembered that, while I was writing, my hair had felt really hot and annoying, so I’d pulled it back (and I write better with it pulled back, anyway.)

Except this time, my bangs had been annoying me, too. So I’d grabbed a little rubber band, and made a ponytail out of them. So there I was, stubby ponytail in back, and a thin ponytail in front, dangling over my forehead like a flaccid unicorn horn — because I’m just special that way.

*headdesk*

I have gone through every caffeinated thing in our house, but desperately need some to keep going this morning. I found some Godiva’s mocha mix that is six months past the pull date. Will it kill me? Check yes or no.

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Every time you want to respond to a negative review, just pretend that there is a BFF behind you, saying, “Oh, honey, no!”

AUTHOR: But she doesn’t understand my book! I’ll tell her like it is!

BFF: Oh, honey, no!

AUTHOR: But it’s a personal vendetta! She’s out to ruin me and starve my kids!

BFF: Oh, honey, no!

AUTHOR: But my editor made me do it! Authors aren’t responsible for their work!

BFF: Oh, honey, no! (For this one, also add a sad shake of the BFF’s head.)

Seriously, Amazon should coin the reverse Nike slogan for authors reading reviews: Just DON’T do it.

*thanks to @McVane, who reminded me that I had this.

**and I have survived many, many of them.

I’m not sure who it is or exactly what it was or even why, but — Huge congrats!

I was sitting here thinking about how I was going to make a scene transition, and while I was pondering, I pulled out a hair and started singing it on my desk candle. The first four or five inches, it just did that crinkly/curly thing over the heat (about a half an inch over the fire) — then I hit the section where I had a little bit of hair gel, and it flared up and burned super-fast all the way up to my fingers.

So I guess I won’t be standing near an open flame after I’ve put on hair products anytime soon.

I’m not the best person for remembering dates and gauging the passage of time anyway, but I just got my contracts in today and noticed that the deadline I thought was at the end of a month (Feb) is actually at the beginning of the month. Eek!

So, except for a few posts that I’ve already scheduled (an interview at Vampire Wire on Monday the 15th, a post for Bingeaduckia, a post for Smugglivus on the 23rd, a brief stop at Ann Aguirre’s, and the romance parody) I will be offline until February. As always, you can contact me via e-mail; I’ll respond ASAP.

*off to buy caffeine and cookie dough*

I’m not the best person for remembering dates and gauging the passage of time anyway, but I just got my contracts in today and noticed that the deadline I thought was at the end of a month (Feb) is actually at the beginning of the month. Eek!

So, except for a few posts that I’ve already scheduled (an interview at Vampire Wire on Monday the 15th, a post for Bingeaduckia, a post for Smugglivus on the 23rd, a brief stop at Ann Aguirre’s, and the romance parody) I will be offline until February. As always, you can contact me via e-mail; I’ll respond ASAP.

*off to buy caffeine and cookie dough*

Scientists may have figured out one reason some people reach for the french fries instead of an apple. It could be a gene that’s been linked to an increased risk of obesity. Yahoo News

Or maybe french fries just taste REALLY FREAKING GOOD?

1) The mini meat cleaver that came in the Hillshire Farms gift pack that your sister bought on sale after Christmas last year — and you aren’t really sure if she bought it for herself or if she planned to give it away this year (because summer sausage lasts a disturbingly long time), but it doesn’t really matter any more because you opened the package — makes an excellent pizza cutter. 

2) You can eat microwavable pancakes with the plastic knife that came with McDonald’s Southwest Chicken Salad. The fork would have been more handy, but you used that for the salad, so what the hell are you supposed to do? 

3) When you finally do have time to do the dishes again, messing around with your blog template is much, much, much more appealing. Not that updating the theme is just an excuse to put it off. It really needed to be done. (And if you prefer the old theme, you can use the drop down menu to the right to switch back to the Lazy Meljean theme.)

Hmm. Now, it’s time to write. So I guess I’ll hold off on those dishes for a little while longer … I think I have a spork in one of the drawers somewhere that desperately wants to be used, anyway.

Because they’re just as cute, and a hell of a lot easier to take care of.