So last night I was dreaming about something (I have no idea what) but in one part, I was in front of a window, looking at a poster advertising books. And at the bottom of the poster, I see a tiny little label with gold font lettering that said one of my novellas would be available as an ebook at the end of November. (It had a price point of $2.95, if you’re ever tempted to buy it with dream-money.)

Obviously, I picked it up from this discussion at Dear Author. The sad part is, however, that I’m even more susceptible than that.

About fifteen or so years ago, I watched an episode of BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES (“Perchance to Dream”) where, because he can’t read anything, Bruce figures out that he’s been trapped in a dream state. He arrives at this conclusion because, as he explains, the right side of the brain enables reading, and dreaming is centered in the left side of the brain.

But I totally believed it until a couple of years ago, when I realized that I’m always reading things in my dreams. Like, for example, little labels with gold lettering.

But why would I doubt it? BATMAN SAID IT! *sob* He lied! He lied!

*deep breath*

So, you can pretty much tell me anything — and chances are, I’ll believe it.

So, I was sitting at my desk working when my daughter (5 yo) and my husband (2 yo), who have been looking at different types of fish on YouTube, came into my room and told me I had to watch this.

I’ll admit: I screamed. And then after we were all done rolling around on the floor, I kicked them out of my room.

No, not Bobby — although he is the one who found this book among the sack of categories my sister brought up from my dad’s house yesterday (also a Susan Napier, THE MISTRESS DECEPTION — reviewed here by Rosario — which I really enjoyed, and a Vicki Lewis Thompson Blaze that I haven’t read before.)

He brought it in and said, “How is it that this book doesn’t top everyone’s Best Ever– I Couldn’t Wait To Grab This Off The Shelf! list?”

I dunno, Bobby. Why do you think that is?

***

I’ll admit the guys do kind of remind me of those twin appraisers on the Antique Roadshow. I think they also host their own “how much is your stuff worth” show? Apparently, they also used to pose for HAR in their spare time.

***

You wouldn’t believe how long it took before I managed to get a shot of this that wasn’t a) blurry or b) washed out by the flash.

Dear Missy,

I have a problem. You see, I lurk at a message board where readers talk about … what else … books! And I really love going through the threads where people talk about what they are reading, because I end up with a massive TBR that way and tons of recommendations. And, yes, every once in a while I get a thrill when someone mentions they are reading one of my books! But recently, a thread popped up titled: Books You Hate That Others Love. I’m curious … but should I click?

Confused Lurker In Turmoil

Dear Confused,

Are you a complete masochist? Sure, you’ll see everyone mention what books they don’t like, and how much they hate on them … but WHAT IF YOUR BOOK IS IN THERE? Really, in a thread like that, only pain awaits you. Don’t click, C.L.I.T.

Missy

Dear Missy,

I read a review one minute ago that really, really, REALLY pissed me off. I really want to call the reviewer an ignorant pig. What should I do?

Not an Ignorant Pig

Dear NIP,

Back away from the keyboard. No, if you can read this screen, you’re too close. Turn around, walk into the kitchen, and eat the pint of Ben and Jerry’s stashed there. Go outside and run a mile. Kick your husband off the sofa and curl up with your favorite book. Tell your husband/friend/writing partner that the reviewer is an ignorant pig. It’s probably better to do it in person or on the phone. If you use e-mail, make sure you really, really, really trust that person.

Then, slowly, ease back into your seat. Now, is the review riddled with errors? BIG errors? Not, “you spelled the heroine’s name with an extra ‘L’” or “Jesus Christ, didn’t you notice the gun on the mantle in the first act that the heroine used in the final confrontation? WTF do you mean, ‘out of nowhere?’ Can’t you read??!!!111′” but “you said that the hero tortured a kitty to death on the first page before shoving it down the heroine’s throat — when in fact, he gave her p**** a good licking and then kissed her.” If it’s a small thing, or a matter of taste, or you just don’t like the grade they gave your book or how they interpreted your character’s actions, LEAVE IT ALONE.

But if it’s not, and you absolutely have to respond — and if you can do it without writing an insult anywhere within the comment — maybe you can reply either by e-mail (if it’s a blogger) or in the comments (for bloggers or Amazon) and make your clarification. And it doesn’t hurt to preface that correction by saying something like, “I’m sorry that the book didn’t work for you.”

Sometimes readers will still be upset that you corrected a big error in the review, but most won’t be. And anyone else coming across the conversation will note who is polite and who is belligerent/crazy.

Missy

Dear Missy,

A chick e-mailed me and said she can make my penis bigger! Only, I don’t have a penis! Now I’m confused … am I really a man? After all, I am tall. And I think boobs are pretty awesome. Should I pay her the $199.99 and get a pleasure stick that will make her scream all night long?

Meljean

Dear Meljean,

…

No. There’s no point.

Missy

Dear Missy,

I have a problem. You see, I lurk at a message board where readers talk about … what else … books! And I really love going through the threads where people talk about what they are reading, because I end up with a massive TBR that way and tons of recommendations. And, yes, every once in a while I get a thrill when someone mentions they are reading one of my books! But recently, a thread popped up titled: Books You Hate That Others Love. I’m curious … but should I click?

Confused Lurker In Turmoil

Dear Confused,

Are you a complete masochist? Sure, you’ll see everyone mention what books they don’t like, and how much they hate on them … but WHAT IF YOUR BOOK IS IN THERE? Really, in a thread like that, only pain awaits you. Don’t click, C.L.I.T.

Missy

Dear Missy,

I read a review one minute ago that really, really, REALLY pissed me off. I really want to call the reviewer an ignorant pig. What should I do?

Not an Ignorant Pig

Dear NIP,

Back away from the keyboard. No, if you can read this screen, you’re too close. Turn around, walk into the kitchen, and eat the pint of Ben and Jerry’s stashed there. Go outside and run a mile. Kick your husband off the sofa and curl up with your favorite book. Tell your husband/friend/writing partner that the reviewer is an ignorant pig. It’s probably better to do it in person or on the phone. If you use e-mail, make sure you really, really, really trust that person.

Then, slowly, ease back into your seat. Now, is the review riddled with errors? BIG errors? Not, “you spelled the heroine’s name with an extra ‘L’” or “Jesus Christ, didn’t you notice the gun on the mantle in the first act that the heroine used in the final confrontation? WTF do you mean, ‘out of nowhere?’ Can’t you read??!!!111′” but “you said that the hero tortured a kitty to death on the first page before shoving it down the heroine’s throat — when in fact, he gave her p**** a good licking and then kissed her.” If it’s a small thing, or a matter of taste, or you just don’t like the grade they gave your book or how they interpreted your character’s actions, LEAVE IT ALONE.

But if it’s not, and you absolutely have to respond — and if you can do it without writing an insult anywhere within the comment — maybe you can reply either by e-mail (if it’s a blogger) or in the comments (for bloggers or Amazon) and make your clarification. And it doesn’t hurt to preface that correction by saying something like, “I’m sorry that the book didn’t work for you.”

Sometimes readers will still be upset that you corrected a big error in the review, but most won’t be. And anyone else coming across the conversation will note who is polite and who is belligerent/crazy.

Missy

Dear Missy,

A chick e-mailed me and said she can make my penis bigger! Only, I don’t have a penis! Now I’m confused … am I really a man? After all, I am tall. And I think boobs are pretty awesome. Should I pay her the $199.99 and get a pleasure stick that will make her scream all night long?

Meljean

Dear Meljean,

…

No. There’s no point.

Missy

So, I just found a typo in the last set of bookmarks I printed. I always check them carefully, but in this case it didn’t occur to me that it might be wrong: it was an apostrophe that looked okey-dokey to me, until I had the stray thought at half-past midnight tonight, Uh-oh. Is that apostrophe supposed to be before or after the “s”?

Turns out, there’s no apostrophe at all (although there used to be, long long ago (and it was after the “s”, because it was a plural — it’s before the “s” on my bookmarks, because I thought it was a singular possessive)).

But I don’t think I’ll feel too badly about it — when I went to their website, the same typo was on their front page.

Arrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

W000000000000000000000000000000000T!

*soooooooooooooooooooooooooobbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb*

D’oh!

Yayayayayayayay!

Gah!!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! LMAO! LMFAO! ROTFLMAO!

WTF?

*cries*

*headdesk*

*crazy happy dance*

…okay, I’m almost ready for the release. Reviews are coming in (like this one). I’m putting my head down and going to pretend not to see (until, of course, I do a round up next week while massively pimping my book. I’m buying a pimp hat just for the occasion.)

So we meet again, Automated Postal Center. I see you were intimidated by my mad MacGyver skills that time you tried to eat my debit card, and so you have dreamed up new and horrid trials for me to overcome, new ways to thwart me.

And you have almost succeeded.

At midnight last night, I felt supremely confident entering your domain. My debit-card dropping daughter was safe at home. There were no lines out the door, which was why I had waited until such an ungodly hour to go to the post office. I had only two packages to send, and both were domestic. Two ARCs, no larger than a trade-sized book.

I used you, APC, oh yes. I used you like the bitch you are. I got my postage, slapped it on.

And that is when you bitch-slapped me.

Because, apparently, I can no longer send any package after regular postal hours. The blue bin next to you–I usually take such pleasure opening its steel maw–was locked. A new sign was up that said everything over 13 oz had to be brought to the counter. No sending trade-sized books. No sending anything except envelopes–even those official ExpressMail boxes that the postal employees have so nicely put out for our use have nowhere to go.

So, you’ve got me, APC. I’ll have to brave the lines at the post office, after all.

…but it does beg the question: what use are you, then? You’re like an ATM without money. If I need a stamp for an envelope, I’ll just use the stamp vending machine. So, pfft on you.

Thanks to HelenKay and Sybil, I found out that Demon Moon is being reviewed in the upcoming issue of Entertainment Weekly. And it got an A-

Yeah, it rocks, really freaking hard.

But here’s the thing that gets me right in the gut — I haven’t seen too many romance reviews come out of EW (chick lit, but not romance, and a search for reviews in the romance genre pulls up a lot of reviews, but not many I’d consider part of the Romance romance genre (ya know, the HEA-part). Maybe I’m wrong about that, because I’m not a regular reader (I’m a cover-buyer, and now that Mulder and Scully are gone, pretty much only Batman and Superman get me to pick it up.) But still, not much romance, because I read HelenKay’s blog and she does often list the reviews, and they’re almost always chick lit. So, on top of it being really fantastic that the reviews might include romance now, somehow my book, which was released two months ago and written by a little nobody author, got reviewed in this issue alongside Johanna Lindsey and Sherrilyn Kenyon.

Which says to me that someone, somewhere down the line, said, “I really freaking believe in this book, you’ve got to read it,” and somehow it was included in EW’s review list. Maybe it was the reviewer who just happened to pick it up, maybe it was buzz online, or a bookseller, or the publicity department at Berkley, or my editor … I don’t know. It’s just completely freaking awesome. So, thank you to anyone and everyone who has ever said, “read this.”

Quite honestly, I don’t say it enough; it’s probably too bad that it takes something like this to remind me, but … yeah.

Does this call for a w00000000000000000000000000t?

Yes. Yes, it does.

Demon Moon is thisclose to being too thick to fit in the padded mailing envelopes I’ve been using for all my mass market books for the last year.

*headdesk* :joker:

ETA: Hee. It’s just like a lurve scene. “It’s too big! It’ll never fit!”