Meljean Brook

I’m at The Good, The Bad, and the Unread today! We’re giving away copies of Demon Moon … and Missy pops her head in and takes over some of the GAD duties, because I’m busy with a deadline.

when they rode off into the sunset.

(For those who can’t see, this is from Free to Be, You and Me)

Ah, nostalgia. Although, this actually reminds me most of getting my hair checked for lice, because the school counselor was the one who showed us these films, and the head nurse always lined us up outside the counselor’s office.

Good times. Lice and kids on a freak carousel.

Except I did laugh so hard I cried a little.

Oh, Miiiiisssssssssssssssyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!

MISSY: I’m freeee!

MELJEAN: Not for long. Just long enough for you to explain something.

MISSY: Aw, man! I hate you.

MELJEAN: Well, I can’t take long, because I’m not feeling so well, and any moment I might have to abandon the computer to throw up, and I have a feeling the passage I’m about to quote is going to hurry that along.

MISSY: I don’t care. Puke your guts out. Just tell me what we’re reading!

MELJEAN: Ginna Gray’s Where Angels Fear.

MISSY: Oh oh oh oh!! I love that book! I cried and cried and cried at the end, when Sam has to chase after Elise at the airport and tell her he loves her, and it’s so hard for him and a lone tear streaks down his lean cheek when he says it and she falls into his arms …. *sobsobsobsob*

MELJEAN: God, this is making me sick, too.

MISSY: Shut up! You have no soul and no heart! … that’s not the book I read. That has a different cover.

MELJEAN: No, it’s a reprint. It was a popular series. So popular that every time you walked into a UBS and tried to find the first book in the series, Fools Rush In, it wasn’t there. It took you almost seven years to find a copy. And you also bought up all of the others in the series along the way, until you finally forced yourself to stop.

MISSY: Were they good?

MELJEAN: I think they were pretty good, because Gray’s a pretty good writer, even though I haven’t read anything new by her in a while. And I’ll admit Where Angels Fear was an enjoyable read, even if it didn’t reduce me to tears again. It was okay. Except for…

MISSY: What? What?

MELJEAN: Remember how Elise wakes up on the first page in bed with Sam? This is what she encounters:

Avoiding his penetrating stare, Elise lowered her gaze, but her misery increased when she encountered his naked chest. It was broad and dark and covered with a pelt of black hair that shone with the same blue highlights as that on his head. A silver medallion dangled from a chain around his neck, swinging lazily back and forth.

MISSY: So?

MELJEAN: He. Has. A. Pelt. A PELT! Jondalar and Ayla wore pelts to keep warm in the Ice Age.

MISSY: Oh, I love Jondalar and Ayla! And I love Sam!!

MELJEAN: And worse, there’s a medallion! It’s skeezy! Way gross. Oh, and shit keeps getting lost in it. Like her nipples.

Above the towel, his navel was a shadowy cavity amid the whorl of black hair that arrowed downward from the thatch on his chest. In that glossy mat, Elise saw the glint of silver, and her breasts swelled and tingled …. Sam brought her back into his heated embrace, and she gasped as her sensitive nipples sank into the crisp hair on his chest…

A thatch? A glossy mat? What kind of chest hair is so thick that a medallion is covered by it? The silver’s always winking at her from inside the chest hair. At one point, she wants to “bury her aching breasts in the crisp hair on his chest” — how small are her titties and/or how deep is that mat? It freaks me out!

MISSY: What’s your problem? Lots of heroes have chest hair and medallions. It’s sexy.

MELJEAN: *killsself* All I can say is, thank god the 70s and 80s are over.

MISSY: Oh, go puke, you stupid twit.

Congratulations to Cherie, Julia and Holly! Cherie and Julia won a copy of Demon Angel, and I’ll be sending Holly the ARC of Demon Moon as soon as they land in my lap. Thanks to everyone who participated!

If you missed it, this is what we did:

Missy gave some advice to authors.

I gave a sample of the Demon Angel soundtrack with (sometimes frightening) YouTube videos.

I confessed that I have no idea what I’m doing (and followed up here at the blog).

I exposed my inner fangirl (like that doesn’t happen every day, hmm?)

I offered an extended look at Demon Moon — a four chapter sneak peek (be warned! it contains spoilers for Demon Angel!).

It’s GUEST AUTHOR DAY at The Good, the Bad, and the Unread. Come, talk fangirl, pantsing, get an extended sneak peek at Colin’s story — and comment for a chance to win a copy of DEMON ANGEL or an ARC of my June release, DEMON MOON. And Missy’s coming out to play … just a little.

And I was late getting stuff to her so if you go and it’s not up yet … it will be soon.

Forget Fabio or John DeSalvo. The person who defined the look of a hero for me (or rather, Missy) was the artist who covered many HPs (and a few HRs) in the early-80s: Len Goldberg.

Unfortunately, that look was not a good one. I’m alternately fascinated and repulsed by the men, who all seem a cross between Clint Eastwood and (as Long pointed out) George Hamilton. (Only I had no idea who George Hamilton was in the mid-80s.)

But they’re all the same: tanned (weatherbeaten, even), with jaws and cheekbones to slice cheese on, weirdly pouty lips, and eyebrows that have come to define “winged” and “arrogant” in my head (and against my will. I can’t help it; when someone writes that a hero has an “arrogant” expression, I immediately think of a Len Goldberg hero. Probably because so many of the heroes in HPs are described as arrogant.) Oh, and their faces look as if they’re hurting. I think it’s supposed to be passionate, though.

And the women! I swear, Missy I thought that all British women had those prominent browbones, archily-arched eyebrows, pointed chins and dainty noses. And appley-cheekbones. Oh! and lashes to kill for.

Oh! and did I mention the swan necks, and the impossibly arched backs? Because so many of them are bent (in ecstasy, I’m sure) beneath the pained hero. These heroes don’t clinch — they clutch. Powerfully. Arrogantly. And I’m quite certain the heroines all have bruises on their shoulders.

Even now, when I’m reading a HP, this hero pops into my head. Thank god it doesn’t happen with single-titles (and that I somehow escaped the influence of Fabio and Elaine Duillo.)

Click the thumbnails to enlarge. These are by no means all of the covers Goldberg did — these are just a few of them I could find online. The sad thing? Going through many of the HP titles to find these covers made me realize how many Missy has read. The other sad thing? How very many of them I want to order just to reread them.

MISSY: I hate you.
MELJEAN: What? What do you want me to do? You, my precious inner/former child, should learn to like the closet a bit better.
MISSY: Die.
MELJEAN: If I do that, then you’ll never see how Tender Rebel turns out.
MISSY: It’s a romance, they end up happily-ever-after.
MELJEAN: Oh, dear Missy. But you haven’t gotten to the chair scene yet.
MISSY: What chair scene?
MELJEAN: Now where did we leave off?
MISSY: Anthony kissed Roslynn, and the horrid yucky James had just given up his pursuit of her. What chair scene?!
MELJEAN: Ah, yes, that be it. Just for posterity’s sake, let’s show that cover again, in which the aforementioned leaving-off scene is depicted: (more…)

MELJEAN: Well.
MISSY: Yeah.
MELJEAN: Here we are. (awkwardly stubs toe in dirt)
MISSY: Yeah.
MELJEAN: …c’mon, now, you can’t hold this against me! I was really busy!
MISSY: Uh-huh.
MELJEAN: I wrote an effing book, you little twerp!
MISSY: Oh, you say that like it’s a big deal. Fatty.
MELJEAN: *sob*
MISSY: While Meljean sobs, I’ll recap. (more…)

MELJEAN: So, here you publish the conclusion to your alien action figure story.
MISSY: That’s right! I’m so excited. It was lots of fun.
MELJEAN: Well. Okay. Let’s see it then.

MELJEAN: Hopefully, next they’ll get naked.
MISSY: Stop your dirty talk! (more…)

MELJEAN: Hey, Missy! Wanna come out of the closet?
MISSY: Yay! Ooooh, what’s all this?
MELJEAN: Your sister and niece took some pictures at home — and when they came up for a visit, they showed them to me. I thought you might have fun telling a story with them.
MISSY: Whoo hoo! Thanks!

MELJEAN: Did you intentionally censor her giant tits?
MISSY: What? God, you’re talking already? Shut up and enjoy the story!
MELJEAN: Meee-ow! (more…)