And how does she repay me? In chocolate. Click on the rant-link above (if you already haven’t) for a picture of how she repays me. I’ve got a couple of those little raspberry/blueberry cups sitting in my fridge, leering at me, making lewd suggestions like: “eat me” and “come and suck on my little berries” and “lick it up, baby, lick it all up you slutty, slutty food whore you know you want it!!!”

*sob sob* I do! I do!

And I guess I might as well give in, yes? Because no one sees me but my husband … except in about three weeks I am heading up to Seattle to do a little research and to say YAY! with Richelle Mead and celebrate her new release, so I shouldn’t be eating chocolate but maybe sucking down some SlimFast or something.

A haircut would be good, too. And this time, I won’t do it myself with a pair of cuticle scissors. Yeah. Don’t ask. I was having issues that day. Just like about two days ago when I dyed my hair REALLY red instead of just my natural strawberry blonde. (Strawberries again! Gah!) But now I’m almost too ashamed to go in and get it cut by a beautician, because they’ll look at my dye job and be like: keeee-rist! and probably cut me bald just to teach me a lesson.

Other things I’ve done today, while going through my DEMON MOON typeset pages:

• Made certain that my Fahrenheit/Celsius/Kelvin conversions were correct.
• Changed about a billion colons to periods (I made a mistake when changing all of the semi-colons to periods in the copy-edit stage, and forgot to take out the top dot, so now all of them are colons.) And I had a LOT of semi-colons, so that tells you pretty much that I’m changing a lot of colons. Sigh.
• Clarified a bunch of pronouns, even when only two people of opposite gender are talking/in the same room. Because I don’t think I write their names enough.
• Changed “incisors” to “canines” because I’m an idiot, and apparently originally had Colin looking like the Max Schreck version of Nosferatu. Which would have been baaaaaaaaaaaad. Fangs = sexy. Pointy front teeth = not. It occurred to me when reading the passage for the 1000th millionth time that incisors are in the front, and that anyone with a better memory of 8th grade health class than I do was going to point out that I’m a dork, so I’m glad I remembered before it went to print. Here is the dental diagram I used to make sure.

In other news, spam loves He-Man. That post has generated more spam for me than almost all other posts combined, and I mentioned before that on the old blog it had almost 300 spam hits or so. It’s crazy. It’s the power of Greyskull.

A bookseller talks about designing effective bookmarks and postcards at cynsations (which is an awesome blog for those interested in the YA market, particularly current fantasy/horror YA). I’m currently designing the bookmark for DEMON MOON, and already I like it better than the DEMON ANGEL bookmarks. Anyway, her tips are for YA and children’s books, but I think probably hold true for every genre: make it simple and uncrowded, make it eye-catching, make it pretty.

Robin Schone is having a Guest Author Day over at The Good, The Bad, and the Unread. Ah, remember when THE LADY’S TUTOR burst onto the scene? Love that book. Love the cover. Love the parody. And I’m so glad she’s back.

Abreva really works. (And for the price, it damn well should!) Anyway, is there anything worse than a cold sore? No. No, there isn’t.

Jane has a most excellent rant over at Dear Author. (Which you probably read before coming here.) Because I guess George Clooney is hot and all … but really. I add my *headdesking* to everyone else’s.

And just because we can never have too much He-Man (I first saw this a couple of years ago (maybe posted it on the old blog?) but they have a much better version on YouTube now) HE-MAN DOES 4 NON BLONDES:

The other seventeen? All about He-Man. I kid you not.

So, curious, I dropped by the old blog and checked out my He-Man post … and saw 982 comments, of which about 950 are spam. So, I plan to delete the post, but since I’d feel terrible if I deprived the world of a source of He-Man fun … and deny all of those Google searchers a place to visit, I’m reposting it here (where I have better spam control.)

Heh. I just realized that link isn’t going to work in about half a second. Anyway, from the archives of April 27, 2005 (my grandma’s birthday) I give you THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE … who just might have some unexpected sexual tendencies.

ETA: Comments turned off. He-Man is a spam magnet.

Everything My Heroines Need to Know, They Learned From … He-Man!

I’ve known this for a while, but Candy’s Sugar Glider MOTU post made it timely.

>>Note: Yes, I am an unapologetic dork. <<

He-Man was one of my first heroes. I might have loved She-Ra more, but we didn’t get FOX reception out in the boonies, so I had to make do with just He-Man. I was a Teela/He-Man ‘shipper long before I knew what relationshipping was. For a time, I was a She-Ra and He-Man ‘shipper, but I’ll get to the swift death of that in a moment.

Who is Teela? Teela is my model for what all heroines should NOT be when it comes to men, and what they should be when it comes to kicking ass. This is Teela:

I don’t know what the fascination with horn-booby-bustiers was, but I thought it was totally cool. Plus, she was a redhead. She was trained as a warrior, and she kicked serious ass. She was also the secret love child of the Sorceress.

Really, it doesn’t get much better than that. Except…When it came to men, Teela had a dildo brain. This is a great couple!

Prince Adam was totally cool. I mean, he was a PRINCE! and he liked to cook, and anyone with half a brain (instead of a dildo) could see that whenever there was trouble, Prince Adam disappeared and then there was lightning from nowhere and then out popped He-Man.

Huh. Doesn’t take a freaking genius, Teela!

I think her problem was that she had this weird notion that Adam might be gay. I don’t know why she should assume that just because a guy wears a pink vest and purple tights that he’s gay, but she did. Might it be the blond thing, too? I dunno. Adam is light blond when he’s Adam (as we all know is not acceptable in a romantic hero) but when he’s He-Man he’s dark blond (which is okay, I guess, because then it is called “tawny” or some shit like that.) Is Prince Adam gay? We’ll let the pictures speak for themselves:

But, look at the manliness of He-Man!

Admit it, Teela, you totally want to be ridden like that, don’t you?

Teela was just overwhelmed, I think, by the totally hot ways he used his sword.

A girl just has to be impressed by the way he uses that gigantic sword, the way he holds it, the way he shoots white beams of…something…off of it, the way he holds Skeletor aloft with the mightiness of it.Here’s a clue, Teela: just because a man is really blond and wears purple, doesn’t mean he’s gay! Wait until he pulls out his sword before you write him off, you dildo brain!

Admittedly, Teela was also the victim of the Big Misunderstanding. Her name: Adora/She-Ra.

I can totally understand how Teela might not realize that She-Ra isn’t going to be in competition for He-Man’s love. At first glance, they seem like the perfect couple:

It wasn’t until I watched HE-MAN AND SHE-RA: THE SECRET OF THE SWORD that I realized…Adam and Adora are twins! And now that I think about it, I can totally see the similarities:

Notice anything, Teela? Granted, She-Ra is changed by the ‘honor’ of Greyskull and He-Man is changed by the ‘power’ of Greyskull, but really! You’re the Sorceress’s daughter, you should have totally figured it out by now.

Or maybe you are worried about bestiality? I dunno why.

Okay, so that first picture is really weird, and that horn on Swift Wind’s head lends some credence to the idea that He-Man and She-Ra’s familiars are really just sexual playthings, but, c’mon, it’s a kids’ show!

So, Teela, this is what you need to know:

1) Not every blond man in pink is gay.
2) The sword has the power when it is used right.
3) The chick you are jealous of is usually the sister, so stop playing the bitch and get over it, already! (Particularly when the sister’s best friend looks like this:

Now THAT’S gay.So get over it, and get yourself some Adam/He-Man luvin’ already!

UPDATED TO SAY: Anyone want to take guesses on what is under that loin-cloth-thingy? A boner…or just boney?