Note: This was originally published in 2005 on my old blog, but the fanfic from yesterday reminded me of it, and after some prompting from Maili (she didn’t have to prompt very hard) I decided to republish it, because you can never have too much action figure action. Part 1 is here.
MELJEAN: So, here you publish the conclusion to your alien action figure story.
MISSY: That’s right! I’m so excited. It was lots of fun.
MELJEAN: Well. Okay. Let’s see it then.
MELJEAN: Hopefully, next they’ll get naked.
MISSY: Stop your dirty talk!
MELJEAN: ‘Enigmatic’? Someone has been reading WAY too much fanfiction.
MISSY: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
MELJEAN: Hehe, that’s right. You don’t even have the Internet yet. I guess the fanfiction person is me. Tee hee.
MELJEAN: Oh, real subtle. Like Lara could ever hide from Mulder when those giant boobs are probably poking him in the back.
MISSY: Shut up!
MELJEAN: You know, you are taking this way too seriously. You do know these things aren’t real, right?
MELJEAN: Because there is lately some concern about people who read romance novels being able to tell the difference between reality and fiction.
MISSY: So what?
MELJEAN: Well, over at Squawkradio, when this was commented on, many people talked about reading romances, and starting young and screwing up expectations for real life. And those people were talking about starting at thirteen. You started five years earlier than that.
MISSY: What’s your point?
MELJEAN: Huh. Considering that I’m almost 28, pretty damn normal, have a really healthy relationship, and am pretty damn aware of reality, I guess I don’t have a point.
MELJEAN: Look at Mulder and Scully. They don’t care about her. They just totally want to get nekkid and do it.
MISSY: …maybe that reality check is more urgently needed than you think.
MELJEAN: Shut up and tell your fricking story.
MELJEAN: They are going to put the body in the CAR? You need to do a little more research. I don’t think that’s proper police/FBI procedure.
MISSY: Who cares?
MISSY: God, you’re such a bitch.
MELJEAN: Wow. That was…unexpected. And kind of came out of nowhere.
MISSY: I don’t like the word ‘nowhere’. I always read it as ‘now here’ instead of ‘no where’.
MISSY: What? I totally set up Angela’s appearance in Part One!
MELJEAN: *cough god cough from cough the cough machine cough*
MISSY: Actually, an angel. And where are her ribbons?
MELJEAN: Hmmm, good question. I totally love that issue of Angela/Spawn when they are together in the dark and their chains and ribbons are entwined. That was hot.
MELJEAN: What’s that weird sandy stuff?
MISSY: I think it’s blood.
MELJEAN: Oh. Okay.
MELJEAN: Uh…why is Lara Croft on the ground in the back?
MISSY: Angela totally knocked her out when she left.
MISSY: I don’t know. That’s the way the pictures were. What do you want me to do?
MELJEAN: Coming up with a logical explanation is good.
MISSY: Okay. Angela realized that when Lara was raiding a tomb she stole some ribbons. Angela punched her out and got her ribbons back.
MELJEAN: All off-screen?
MISSY: Yeah. So what?
MELJEAN: That totally cheats the reader.
MISSY: Well, Soooooorrrrrry!
MELJEAN: Hahahahah! I’ve got a better explanation!
MISSY: Oh, god, it’s going to be dirty.
MELJEAN: Well, look at her! Hahahaha!
MELJEAN: Of course.
MELJEAN: Hey! You cheated and used a filter for that effect!
MISSY: I couldn’t help it. I almost used the ‘Reticulan’ filter. But, it didn’t look right.
MELJEAN: Still. Still! Cheat!
MISSY: Shut up or I’ll whack you!
MELJEAN: Ah, finally. That was totally stupid…and back in the closet for you!