The Whitest Legs You Know
The Hot Burning Sun
Photo Courtesy of NASA
Public Domain
I am currently caught in the same, endless pre-convention debate that I always have: to self-tan, or not to self-tan.
I’ve tagged this post “bloodsuckers” because after being in a deadline cave for a year, my legs are as white as a vampire’s. (Though I can’t really blame the cave. Even when I’m not working on a book, I avoid the sun. Because, redhead.) But that always brings me to the conundrum I face whenever a conference approaches.
I buy a new dress or two.
Dress shows off legs.
Legs are as pale as a whale’s belly.
Self-tanning might cut down the glare, because it’s not like I would slather it on.
Self-tanning might make me orange and blotchy, even if I don’t slather it on and follow all the directions and use the palest tint (as known by experience).
Self-tanning might be worse than blinding-white legs.
And then, of course, there is the ultimate danger — that I will step out into the Kansas City sun, and the glaring reflection from my pale, pale legs will instantly sear the retinas of everyone around me. Then the glare of light will raise the climate’s average temperature by several degrees, melting the ice caps, and sending the world into a catastrophic apocalyptic cycle of mega-hurricanes and The Day After Tomorrow-like deep-freeze super storms.
This isn’t about vanity. This is SCIENCE!
And a totally appropriate post for Earth Day.
April 23, 2013 @ 5:19 am
I feel your paleness!
I also suffer from legs the approximate color of printer paper (as well as the ability to turn bright red in the sun after about 10 minutes). I’ve tried a lot of self tanners and have never liked the color or the way it fades (blotchy!). However, I’ve tried something this spring that I really like.
It’s called Perfekt Matte Body Perfection Gel. I got it from Sephora. It’s almost like a mousse makeup for your legs. It is a very subtle, buildable tint and as long as I exfoliate before application I haven’t had any issues with streaking or blotches. It’s not super dramatic but I feel like it prevents people from needing sunglasses before looking at my legs. : )
April 23, 2013 @ 9:22 am
Oh, I will check it out! Thanks 🙂
April 23, 2013 @ 6:53 am
I usually end up using the Jergen’s Natural Glow. It gives just enough to not make them glaringly white, yet doesn’t look like I’m trying too hard.
April 23, 2013 @ 9:23 am
I’ve used that one before. I liked it, until it began wearing off (it wore off blotchily.) But I might try it again just for the conference.
April 23, 2013 @ 8:10 am
The Target brand has a self tanner moisturizer that works for us vamps. I put it on after my shower and it subtly colors the bright white glow sticks that are my legs. It does not turn orange and it does not make any darker spots you may have turn weird colors, plus, it’s cheap and smells like baby powder not tanner.
April 23, 2013 @ 9:23 am
Oh, yeah. The smell of self-tanner. Never awesome.
April 23, 2013 @ 9:01 am
I feel stupid–hose is not an option at all?
April 23, 2013 @ 9:07 am
I’ll do tights with boots, but usually my shoes are of the variety that won’t work so well with hose :-/
April 24, 2013 @ 9:32 am
What about getting a spray on tan. I’ve had those done. And I like u can control the amount of color