Romance and marriage means spending a lot of time thinking about what to get someone else, and what to do for that person. There are so many reasons: just because, birthdays, special occasions, la di da. But there are a couple of things that you shouldn’t do, and I’m happy to share two with you today.
1) If you work at a school, do not inform your wife on Thursday afternoon that, “oh yeah, you’re chaperoning our daughter’s field trip tomorrow.”
She will respond with a wide-eyed, “I am? Since when?”
“Since I volunteered you last week.”
There will be an explosion of brains all over the car. Also, maybe a few curse words spoken (but of course, not the WHOLE word, because the kid is in the backseat. So it’s more like, “What the effing eff were you thinking?!”)
So, don’t do this to your wife. Especially if your wife really, really hates riding in school buses, and her Dell laptop 4-hour battery only lasts about 5 minutes lately so she can’t work on said bus, and she also won’t get back until the evening, because that means she wastes a WHOLE FREAKING DAY of writing.
Also, because she has a blog, and she’ll tell a story like Reason #2.
2) No matter how hot the guy you’re dating is, don’t buy him a pair of Levi 501s just because you want to see his cute little ass in them.
Once, there was a young woman. She wasn’t a wife of a teacher yet, but still in the dating stages after drunkenly writing and e-mailing a really bad science fiction story to the cute grad assistant whose class she’d just finished. Over the course of dating, she discovered that he didn’t own any 501s, which was a shame, because he had the nicest butt in the world. So, she bought him a pair.
At this time, she also lived about 60 miles from the city where he did. For various reasons, going to his home to make out wasn’t an option, and so her ’67 Mustang became, ahem, a bit of a makeout spot. And the location of choice was on the 4th floor of the university parking lot farthest from the campus, because no one was there after 10pm or so.
It so happened upon one of these days, that the grad assistant and his former student were steaming up the windows when they happened to notice some flashing lights just before there was a tap on that steamed-up window. Once again, curses flew in that car. The young woman frantically straightened up and got out of the car when asked…and the grad assistant also got out, but the button fly had given him some trouble — this was his first day wearing the pair of jeans she’d given him — and he stood behind the car clutching his fly together.
And they said, “You need to show us your hands, sir.”
So the grad assistant let go of his pants, and showed them his hands…and a few other things. 😀
Thank you, thank you to Nalini for filling in for me on Friday. Don’t forget that her newest book, ARCHANGEL’S KISS, comes out tomorrow!