Colin Ames-Beaumont answers the Proust questionnaire…

…and you get a chance to win every book he’s appeared in.
NOTE: THIS CONTEST OVER OVER. THANK YOU FOR PLAYING!

I’m giving away two sets of my backlist — the trade HOT SPELL, DEMON ANGEL, and WILD THING. To enter, you must choose seven of the following questions, and answer them either on your own blog or here in the comments. (If you answer them on your blog, please be sure to leave a link here in the comments.)

You do not have to answer them as yourself. Feel free to use a character that you’ve created, or one from a book, movie, or television show … just let us know who it is.

I will randomly select two winners from the posts in the comments (so make sure you link if you post on your own blog!) And remember, even if you already have copies of these books, they can make a great gift (or punishment, if you didn’t like them.) The last day to enter will be May 31st, at midnight. Here are Colin’s answers to the full questionnaire:

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

A life lived without answering any ridiculous French questionnaires.

2. What is your greatest fear?

Waking up in the Chaos realm.

3. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

The fantastically brilliant and gorgeous figure who inspired an Irishman to give vampires no reflection.

4. Which living person do you most admire?

Might I choose an undead person? If so, it is that fantastically brilliant and gorgeous person who inspired an Irishman.

5. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

This question is absurd.

6. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Blindness.

7. What is your greatest extravagance?

The time I’ve wasted on questions one to six. I am immortal, but Good God — Children of the Corn: 666 was time and money better spent, and I received it free from Columbia House after purchasing my 1000^th DVD through them.

8. What is your favorite journey?

From San Francisco to Beaumont Court. Then, after my nieces and nephews have chased me round with garlic wreaths and crucifixes for a fortnight or so, I find the journey home even more agreeable.

9. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Chastity.

10. On what occasion do you lie?

I never lie.

11. What do you dislike most about your appearance?

Ridiculous question.

12. Which living person do you most despise?

Equally ridiculous question. Why would I bother to expend the energy required to despise a person? It is far more entertaining and gratifying when others despise or fear me. So long as they take a good look at me before cowering or tottering off to their libraries or wherever they sit and contemplate with malice the faces of those they hate, I am satisfied.

13. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

In public company, usually to strangers: “You look lovely tonight, my dear.” In private company, or to myself: “Good God.” “Bloody hell.” “Bloody fucking hell.”

14. What is your greatest regret?

That I did not put Savi to sleep after I drank from her. That I did not take more care that she had no memory of our encounter by the fountain. That, because of my neglect, she will not look at me now.

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

I am not certain that I wish to ever find someone I would love more than I do myself. What would come of that love? If it were with a human, I would have to find others to feed from; if a vampire, I could not feed her; and if she were a Guardian…no, that would be impossible. I could never love a self-righteous, lecturing moralist.

16. Which talent would you most like to have?

I am and have mastered everything I should like to be or have mastered.

17. What is your current state of mind?

Thanks to this absurd questionnaire — and specifically, the question numbered fourteen — rather melancholy, and desperately hungry for a bit of Indian curry.

18. If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

They would be immortal.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Achievement is such a plebian goal. If I must have an achievement of which to be proud, it is that I have managed to exist two hundred years without achieving anything.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

This is absurd — a thing? What should I be — a pair of trousers? Bloody ridiculous.

21. If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?

Me.

22. What is your most treasured possession?

A painting of Savi, in Caelum, by the fountain. It is already without compare, and I suspect that in sixty years or so, its value to me will be far beyond priceless.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Chaos. But ask again in sixty years, or after she marries, and I may have a different answer.

24. Where would you like to live?

San Francisco.

25. What is your favorite occupation?

Hunting. Drinking. Fucking. (They are all the same.)

26. What is your most marked characteristic?

I am exceptionally handsome.

27. What is the quality you most like in a man?

One who is clever, but never one who is more clever than I.

28. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Curiosity, particularly when her questions are designed to gather information about me. Intelligence. Beauty. A sharp wit and quick tongue. One who speaks honestly and bluntly — no doubt a result of having an adopted brother who can read lies.

29. What do you most value in your friends?

Fine eyesight, and better aesthetic judgment.

30. Who are your favorite writers?

Mary Shelley. John Polidori. (I hope this question refers to the writer as a person, and does not include Polidori’s works — because The Vampyre was utterly ridiculous.)

31. Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

Not that weak-minded fool Aubrey, that’s for certain.

32. Who are your heroes in real life?

I shall never admit it, not to him or his partner.

33. What are your favorite names?

Colin. Emily. Anthony. I have also recently taken a strong liking to names from The Mahabharata.

34. What is it that you most dislike?

Chaos and polyester.

35. How would you like to die?

Never, but if I must, in my daysleep.

36. What is your motto?

Don’t be absurd. Napoleon’s pox-ridden sailors created mottos so as not to be forced to think of anything original to say whilst they drowned. As it was, most of them forgot it at the last moment, and instead remarked upon how bloody brilliant the British Navy was just as the water closed over their heads.