March 31 2011

Deadline Dames Invasion!

OMG, the Deadline Dames are coming! Brace yourselves! They’re taking over!!

Dear Odd Shots,

We are huge fans of your novels and especially love the one about that guy, and that gal and that thing they did. You know the one with fantastic stuff happening, and that evil they overcome? Pulitzer, baby. We are also huge fans of your web page Odd Shots. But we are a little…concerned about your newest…uh…group project.

Really? A rock band? We won’t lie and tell you we didn’t think it might be fun. But when we discovered it was an all girl goth band, our worry kicked into high gear.

For one thing, the photo you used for your album, “Random Odd Piercings and Their Combustible Pussies” is totally unbelievable.

Do you expect any of us to think you would only use two back-up kitty dancers? (although we have to admit they *are* Bieberdorable) And while you are all hot, and have obviously worked hard to synchronize your dance routine even though Patrice has only one leg, we are pretty sure dominatrix jodhpurs have been out of style since the safe word was “bully for you.”

Second, we’re not sure about the list of requirement for joining the band. Do all the random odd piercings have to be in such…out of the way places? Sure, we get stopped by TSA every time we try to travel to conferences. But a band has to do international tours. And though we understand Meljean has a thing for the arbitrary TSA agents…

We Dames have a strict rule of only allowing inspections by TSA agents such as Wolfe Studly. And Wolfe Studly does not come cheap.

Last but not least…it’s the songs. We saw what you did there. You moved all the letters around in your book titles and changed them into song titles:

Yum! Boo! A No. is really Ilona’s Bayou Moon

Violence Arsonist is Patrice’s Scions: Revelations

OK In The Rude is Meljean’s Iron Duke

Touch! Built Sickie is clearly Jill’s Succubi Like it Hot

And

Hot Carnal Congress is obviously Nalini’s Archangel’s Consort.

Really?? REALLY?

And what about Switchblade Stabby Pen or Zombie Patrice Spelled Your Book Deal? They stumped us completely. Are they code for something or just an excuse to make that awful video? Yeah, we saw it before MTV yanked it off the air. We even kept a screen shot.

So no. While we look forward to every one of your books and think you guys are truly awesome, the all girl goth band thing is not for us. But if you ever get into something classy and timeless, like Disco, let us know!