Dear people in the Portland metro area

I’m sorry, but if I’m driving at night through your neighborhood, and you’ve got your lights on and your curtains open, I will look in.

I kind of can’t help myself. But even if I could, I probably would look in, anyway, because I’m always fascinated by the inside of other people’s houses … even when this habit has led to my seeing certain scenes that I’d rather not have seen, including one in my in-laws’ neighbors’ bedroom that left me incapable of humping my husband for a month. And if you’ve ever seen my husband with his shirt off,* you would know that was a nasty, nasty scene, indeed.

Also, if you are reading a book, I will contort my body and my eyeballs any way possible to see the title and author. That isn’t me being nosy, I swear — it’s part of my job.

—
*I really hope that you haven’t.