Dear Silhouette Desire: I hate your covers. Passionately.

I think everyone here knows about my love for category romance — and Harlequin Presents in particular. It used to be that Silhouette Desires ranked right up there, but it’s been harder and harder for me to get past the covers.

I know, I know. With HPs, there are the titles, and those chick-in-the-nightgown or formal-dress covers splashed across every one. Yet although I don’t love those, I’m not turned off by them … and neither am I repulsed by them. Unlike, for example, these:

And these:

And these:

Now, I know that I’m not the most transparent of writers. Sometimes I confuse people. So I’m going to make my problem with these absolutely clear: Every single one of the male models — who is supposed to represent the hero — looks like a complete asshole. If you shoved icicles up their asses, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t melt. Hell, it’d probably find a home amongst all the other icicles shoved up there.

And on the covers that are shared with a female model, they are always looking away from her with an assholic expression on their faces. Sometimes they are staring out at the reader, which just feels creepy to me. Other times they are just staring away from her. 

Dear Silhouette: maybe I’m not your typical reader, but I don’t want your cover models looking at ME if there is a chick on the cover. I want them enraptured with the heroine, I want your cover to suggest that there is a love story BETWEEN THE HERO AND HEROINE on the inside. 

For example, this cover — although I don’t love it, I’m not repulsed by it in the same way. It doesn’t make me think ASSHOLE! and it doesn’t feel creepy. 

I would pick up this book in the store. Those six above? Blech. Blech blech puke. This one isn’t as bad either (it kind of reminds me of the old MAN OF THE MONTH covers that Desire used to have, which I never liked, but I didn’t hate, either. )

I don’t really like it, but the icicle-up-the-ass feeling isn’t there. If the guy has to be looking at me, why make him look like those above? They don’t look hard, they don’t look ruthless … they just look like slimey assholes.

And that is all.