Oh, honey, no!
Every time you want to respond to a negative review, just pretend that there is a BFF behind you, saying, “Oh, honey, no!”
AUTHOR: But she doesn’t understand my book! I’ll tell her like it is!
BFF: Oh, honey, no!
AUTHOR: But it’s a personal vendetta! She’s out to ruin me and starve my kids!
BFF: Oh, honey, no!
AUTHOR: But my editor made me do it! Authors aren’t responsible for their work!
BFF: Oh, honey, no! (For this one, also add a sad shake of the BFF’s head.)
Seriously, Amazon should coin the reverse Nike slogan for authors reading reviews: Just DON’T do it.
*thanks to @McVane, who reminded me that I had this.
**and I have survived many, many of them. 😀