Stock Photo of the Day – Search: Wedding

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Ova. She wasn’t like the other princesses, who each had long and flowing tresses. Ova, the poor thing, only had a small blond fringe at the top of her head.

“No one will ever believe I’m a princess!” Ova sobbed into her Fallopian pillow every night. “No one will ever marry me!”

Certain that she faced a lifetime of loneliness — or, like her princess sisters, that she might mysteriously disappear one month (Oh! those terrifying days, as the bloated body around them trembled with rage!) — Ova determined to walk the mysterious path and seek a future outside of the castle. She put on her best blue eyeshadow* and rolled down the narrow tube.

She had not ventured far when a mysterious figure appeared on the horizon. He looked a bit like the villainous sort, with a little mustache. A bad boy, then.

In the distance, Ova felt her body’s womb clench, just like in a romance novel. Startled by her body’s response, she gasped. These feelings must mean that it is true love!

The sexy bad boy swam toward her, his determined gaze fixed on her face. He didn’t seem to care that she only had a little blond fringe! Oh, wonderful day!

“Hurry!” he shouted. “I have a million brothers coming after me, and there’s no time in this blog post for a million sequels! We’ve got to do this now!”

Ova swooned. He gave orders as if he’d been born an alpha. Such manly mastery! Such dominance! She kind of wanted to see his brothers, too, but he was right: there was no time to describe each of their awesome physical traits and/or the one thing that set them apart from the others. There would be a quiet, brooding one. An angry one. The super-handsome one who banged all the girls but was so empty inside. But this one had come first, so he was hers.

And so, gentle reader, Ova married him, and they lived happily ever after.

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*Blue eyeshadow actually kind of makes sense. If the body is, say, 30 years old, that means she was born in 1982 — and the eggs have been hanging around that long. The only makeup the princesses probably have is blue eyeshadow. (And of course Ova uses AquaNet to make her bangs as big as possible.)

ETA: Testing a plug-in. Ignore this.