The real-life inspiration for every line of sexual-tension-laden dialogue I've ever written:

SETTING: Meljean’s kitchen, 10:25, about twenty minutes after she and her husband (who we will call Bobby) have returned home (and not having eaten yet.)

COMPLICATIONS: Meljean doesn’t want to cook anything substantial or time-consuming, so she pulls out the mac & cheese (generic brand, because she likes that better, and in dinosaur shapes, because she bought it for her daughter thinking her daughter would like that, but her daughter DID NOT LIKE IT AND WHERE WAS THE MACARONI? And so all of the regular macaroni mac & cheese was gone, leaving Meljean with Dino mac.)

ACTION: Meljean cooks Dino mac. Meljean stirs in cheese and realizes that it’s different than usual generic brand, and does not smell very good.

MELJEAN: (calls to husband, sitting in living room with computer on lap and tv to sports channel) Yo! The mac & cheese is going to be gross! It’s the bad version of mac & cheese!

BOBBY: That’s okay, I’ve gotten used to everything you make being the bad version of whatever it’s supposed to be.

MELJEAN: You can’t see it, but I’m flipping you off.*

BOBBY: You can’t see it, but I took my wiener out of my pants and put it in your ass.**

*Was really scooping the gross mac & cheese into a bowl…because Meljean is also used to eating the worst of whatever her food is supposed to be.

**Was really sitting on the sofa trying to look up Peyton Manning’s SNL commercial.